


wing woman

by exquisitelymorose



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Also comedy, Angst, F/F, Romance, a traumedy, all the things, bless em, these two disasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 03:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18886528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exquisitelymorose/pseuds/exquisitelymorose
Summary: “So wait, do you like women?” Judy is impressed by the way her words sound, easy and curious. Just a genuine question among friends.Jens lips quirk, her left eyebrow sloping slowly, “hmm.” It passes her lips, a small sound, then she huffs a breath before taking a sip, “I guess I’ve liked a few."





	wing woman

Even when bile rises in her throat, tears prick at her eyes, she thinks, “what if it hadn’t happened?”  
   
Where would she be if she’d never struck down the man that led her to this woman?  
   
Fate is fate, she reasons. To agonize over this alternate reality where Ted is alive, where she’s not a murderer – just a woman stuck in large, empty rooms in her home with Steve, barren and lonely… it’s meaningless. Still, she can’t stop, she’ll never stop. And the worst part, she thinks, is that the guilt isn’t always for his death but for the moments she admits that maybe, just maybe, this is how things were supposed to go. Because surely a life without Jen and the boys is a life she shouldn’t know?  
   
It’s selfish. She knows it is. A person shouldn’t have lost his life so she could find hers. That’s why she wretches into the toilet bowl after an entire day of keeping it together. Because even though she’d take it back so that Jen and the boys, God the boys who lost their father, never had to experience the pain, she wouldn’t take it back for herself.  
   
Judy is surprised she can sleep at all. Even just for an hour at a time, it feels like a luxury she doesn’t deserve when there’s so much on her mind, tiny things and colossal things shoved into every corner of her brain. It all eats at her but this, this one is becoming more than it should.  
   
It’d started as nothing more than a speck. Like a tiny piece of dust on a screen, almost indiscernible among the quickly moving pictures underneath. And then it’d grown and stretched. Now it seemed to be an entire dust bunny.  
   
Not the kind you can sweep away but one that you need to rifle in the closet to find the vacuum attachment for.  
   
Not something that can be ignored anymore.  
   
It would be unfair to say it happened unexpectedly. It was more like… ignoring the flu? You know the symptoms are there, you just chalk it up to something else until it hits you hard enough and you have to deal with it. That’s what it was like realizing she had feelings for Jen.  
   
It was a Thursday. The boys were staying with Lorna, and Jen, after a particularly trying day had breezed into the house, thrown off her blazer and shuddered, “I just can’t fucking be here right now.”  
   
So they left. Down to a dimly lit, mostly quiet, kind of too modern cocktail bar.  
   
She’d been listening to Jen talk, well, rant, when suddenly the blonde’s words began trailing off. Her eyes slipped over Judy’s shoulders as she fell silent. Her eyes widened a bit, her lips quirked and she looked back.  
   
“Okay, you see that guy – Jesus, Judy, don’t look yet. Be cool, be cool.”                                      
   
Judy slowed her movements and subtly looked back to where Jen’s eyes had landed. He was cute. When she looked back, Jen had her glass at her lips, mumbling into it, “God I need to get fucking laid.”  
   
It landed like a fist directly below her ribs.  
   
She swallowed. “Why don’t you go talk to him?”  
   
Jen seemed to consider it for a moment before shaking her head roughly. “No, no. I can’t. No.”  
   
Judy had tried, she really did, to ignore the wave of relief that washed over as she read the hesitation written over her friends face. Because no, she didn’t want her to go. But she tried even harder to be a support, to be the woman she’d vowed to be the day she’d learned Jens name.  
   
“You can!” She insisted, “you’re like, the hottest woman in this place by a long shot. He’d be… creaming his jeans over you.” She took a healthy swig.  
   
Jen winced at the words with a laugh and Judy immediately apologized. Ultimately, the blonde sighed. She wasn’t ready. And the two remained in their bubble.  
   
That night, after they’d separated to sleep in their respective rooms, Judy found herself feeling nauseous for a new reason entirely.  
   
She’d tasked herself with the responsibility of Jens happiness, her wellbeing. And there was this thing all of a sudden, a thing she couldn’t help and a thing she couldn’t fix. But she wanted to. The further they got from Ted’s death, the more Jen was going to crave something and someone else. A person to touch her, to kiss her. To take care of her.  
   
All Judy wanted was to take care of Jen.   
   
Now she finds herself here, with a wanting that has no place. This thing that takes up space and energy and no way to deal with it.  
   
It lingers in her mind always. In every interaction, every touch, every look, she wonders what she can do. If she holds the hug a little firmer, gazes a little longer, maybe it will feed this thing, this hunger Jen is bound to grow. She wants to kill it, squash it down to nothing. But Jen is always the first to pull away, the one to look at her shoes or away from Judy or to quark an eyebrow as if to say “what the hell are you looking at?” Because whatever it is that she’s looking for, Judy isn’t going to be the one to give it to her.

They’re at the bottom of a second bottle of wine. It’s a Friday night with nothing but hours of night and what’s scheduled as an easy Saturday morning stretching before them. The blanket spreads between both of them on the outdoor couch and Jen is nearly spurting wine out of her nose with laughter, at the tail end of a story about Spring Break 1994. 

“Like, who the fuck did I think I was, on Girls Gone wild or something?”

Judy laughs along with her, “No, you’d have to have making out with other girls to really be considered for that.”

“Oh,” Jen chuckles into her wine before taking a swig, “well I certainly did that too.”

Judy nearly chokes on the red sliding down her throat but covers it with a muffled cough. “You did?”   
Jen turns to look at her, a look that is both curious and strange, “of course. You didn’t?”

“Oh,” Judy starts but the words don’t come out and the blondes mouth drops, her eyes smiling as she swats the other womans arm with the back of her hand. 

“Judy!”

“What!”

“How the fuc-”

“I don’t know! I just - I didn’t!”

“What kind of pot smoking, crystal rubbing, free love hippie are you?”

Judy can’t seem to muster many words, “well it’s not like I didn’t want to!” 

Jen scoffs, her eyes moving from her glass back to the woman next to her repeatedly. 

“Well, you’re a single woman now.”

“And?”

“You just said you wanted to, Judy. Now you can.”

When she breathes, it comes out shaky and unbalanced. It seems like suddenly there’s moisture in her palms and the only place she can look is the quiet, tiny fire. Because if she’s being honest, yes, she wanted to. Probably always. But it was never all that strong, just an undercurrent of appreciation for women with a hint of curiosity that was always easy to shove down, ignore, disregard. 

Until Jen. 

The silence that lays between them is uncomfortable for only one. And when Judy spares a glance in the blondes direction, she can’t help but feel disappointed by the other woman's ease. Her eyes are also locked on the fire but her fingers are loose around her wine glass, eyes soft. There is none of the hesitation, the tension that lies thick in Judys stomach. 

“I- I wouldn’t even know what to do.”

Jen pulls a small face of disbelief but doesn’t bother to look at her, “oh, it’s easy. Just like a dude only softer.” A beat passes, “it’s usually better, actually.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. With men, they’re always trying to jam their tongue down your throat or grab your tits, ya know? Just trying to get it over with and get their dick out. With women, it’s just… easy,” she shrugs, “no rush.”

“So wait, do you like women?” Judy is impressed by the way her words sound, easy and curious. Just a genuine question among friends.

Jens lips quirk, her left eyebrow sloping slowly, “hmm.” It passes her lips, a small sound, then she huffs a breath before taking a sip, “I guess I’ve liked a few. But I always had boyfriends and then Ted. I don’t know, I never met a woman who completely turned me off of dick or anything but sure, I’ve had feelings for a few.”

Something inside of Judy sparks. She tries to swallow it down and snuff it out but it burns hot and electric through her. 

“So… are you,” she tries to laugh to sound casual but it comes out sounding strangled, “are you like, bisexual?”

The look on Jens face is both startled and confused, “well fuck, Judy, I hadn’t really thought about it until now. But, no.” A lick of the flame in Judys veins turns to coal, “I don’t think it’s something that needs to be labelled! It’s 2019. And I’m never going to put a suit on and walk down the aisle toward some Bridezilla, no fucking way.” 

“You would look hot in a suit though.”

“You think?”

“Oh, totally.”

They both sip at their wine, the television buzzing mindlessly in front of them. A chill passes through her and Judy shifts a little closer to Jen so she can wrap the blanket around her feet, pulled up under her. 

“Well, then, maybe we should give it a shot together?”

Jen nearly chokes, a splash of red passing through her lips and into the glass, “what?” Her eyes are wide, set straight on Judys. 

She can’t help but laugh, a true sound from deep within her throat, “not like that! I just mean, if we’re both open, we could be each others wing women of… women.”

“Jesus, we are too fucking old for that shit.”

“I seem to recall a night in a bar where I pushed you to talk to the man who ended up taking you back to his room, how is that any different?”

“It’s completely different! Besides, look how that turned out. Real fucking prize,” she mumbles into her wine glass.

Judy decides to drop it. If she pushes any further, she’s bound to go into territory that it would be too hard and take too long to wander back from. But then Jen is laughing and she’s laughing right along with her before she even knows why, trying to force out a question.

“It’s just so funny. You and me, just two suburban mom looking bitches, doing what? Hitting up a gay bar and-” the rest of her sentence dissolves into hiccups of laughter.

Judy admits that yes, it does sound a little ridiculous.

“We wouldn’t know the first thing to do.” Jen finally says once the laughter subsides.

“Hey! You just said it’s easy.”

“Yeah! If you’re wasted off tequila on a beach with your girlfriends! But to actually go, find a woman and hit on her? Like, really hit on her? It’d be fucking tragic, Judy.”

Suddenly, she’s unsure how she feels. The insecurity is fading, another feeling quickly taking root. A challenge. Judy clears her throat and turns to Jen, waggling her eyebrows. 

“So,” she stretches, placing an arm behind Jen on the couch, “come here often?”

“Really?” The blonde deadpans. 

“I just, I feel like I would’ve noticed you before?” Her words are coming long and drawn out, theatrical. 

Jen smirks, rolling her eyes a little before settling back against the couch, “that so?”

“Well, you’re pretty unforgettable.”

“Aren’t you a smooth talker?”

“What can I say,” Judy raises the wine glass to her lips but continues before taking a sip, “I’m good with my mouth.”

Jen’s jaw drops open a little, a sparkle in her eye, “Oh. Now, that’s good.”

“Yeah?” Judy asks just a little too excitedly for her former facade, “so if I came up to you in a bar you’d totally make out with me?”

“Oh, definitely.”

They’re looking at each other and Jen isn’t looking away. For a moment, Judy forgets, forgets her fear, her insecurity, forgets the voices that keep telling her that the way she feels is undoubtedly wrong. Because it’s just the two of them in this moment and before her is Jen, just the same Jen that is always there. 

Her Jen. 

“It’d be a shame if you didn’t know what to do once the talking was over though,” Jen finally says, turning away to place her wine on the table.

“Well,” Judy shrugs, “like you said, it’s easy, I’m sure I could figure it out.”

“But don’t you want to be sure?”

The brunettes eyebrows raise before the words really even hit her, “yes?”

“Alrighty then.” Jen takes a breath, not really looking at her. 

But then she’s taking the wine from her hand and placing it on the table. When she looks back she looks both nervous and certain in the way that she does. Always moving through life like she knows exactly what she’s doing while having no fucking clue. 

Suddenly she’s leaning forward.

“Wait wha-”

“Just shut up, Judy.”

The words ghost over her lips as Jen’s hand cups her jaw, long fingers working slightly into the hair behind her ear. She’s not sure why she’s so surprised when their lips meet but Judy can feel the shiver that hits her spine, the small gasp that puffs between their mouths before she finally reacts. And when she does - she does. 

It’s light, too light and she feels Jen’s fingers loosen like maybe she’s about to pull back so she wills herself to move, her hand shaking as it grasps the back of the blondes neck a little too forcefully. When it’s Jen’s turn to gasp at the contact, she takes advantage of the parted lips and moves to suck her bottom lip between hers, leaving a small nip before soothing it with her tongue. It’s all a little too much and Judy has no idea how she’s come to be the leader in this only that she’s wanted this for so long she can’t let it happen without giving it everything. It spurns Jen on whose own tongue swipes across her bottom lip before they’re both gasping a little and taking a small taste of each other. 

Then it’s over. Judys eyes are still closed, her hand loose on Jen’s neck. It’s when the blonde clears her throat, still only inches away that her eyes shoot open and theres those bluey green orbs looking back at her but then they’re gone. Jen’s hand falls away from her and she misses it instantly. 

It seems too quick, the way the blonde pulls back and then reaches for her wine again, settling back against the cushions as if they’d barely shook hands. Judy feels frozen until Jen looks back at her, speaking finally.

“What kind of wing woman would I be if I didn’t train you well?”

**Author's Note:**

> Well if these two haven't taken over my entire life, what has? I don't love how this turned out but I needed to post something, it was killing me. Leave your comments, your kudos, your suggestions. I need them like you need air.


End file.
